You can all the systems, processes and protocols in the world. Templates with bells and whistles. But if the trust is broken, the work is like moving through sludge.
I’ve noticed an insidious creep—sometimes a raging torrent—of ‘us and them’ in schools. At its worst, there’s a clear divide between senior leaders and those they lead. Leaders’ motives are questioned, and any move to shift the status quo is met with silent pushback, stealthy sabotage, or outright defiance.
On the flip side, leadership language can be full of ‘they need to…’ ‘if everyone just….’, ‘all I hear is complaints’. Defensive reactions to concerns shut down people’s belief that leadership is open to any influence or conversation. Divide widens.
The chance of healthy conversation and deep dialogue to understand each other more? Zilch.
Many factors fuel this—workplace agreements that have everyone wanting the pendulum swing to settle, system compliance pressures driving polarised thinking, erroneous media rage, exhaustion, and more.
But how do some schools navigate these challenges together, rather than let them pull them further apart?
Often it just starts with people being people.
Every Exchange Matters
When trust wavers – often through misunderstandings and assumptions – every interaction either rebuilds it or makes it crumble.
In a high-trust relationship, you can say the wrong thing, and people will still get your meaning. In a low-trust relationship, you can be very measured, even precise, and they’ll still misinterpret you.
STEPHEN M.R. COVEY
I recently witnessed a team willing to change that status quo. They were in trouble. Deep divides threatened to spill into calls of bullying (on both sides), people were not speaking to each other with any compassion or willingness to really listen. Everyone was in survival mode. There was a critical need to rigorously review, discuss and shift their approach, yet it was more akin to throwing rocks at each other across a river.
Yet, this was a school highly regarded in both the community and sector. New staff were wondering what they’d walked into.
Step One: Facing the Reality
Discontent and challenges are opportunities for growth. This team was brave enough to engage in The Buzz Diagnostic to assess their professional culture. Even this first step signaled their willingness to shift.
The aggregated results? A collective intake of breath.
That day, they explored their individual contributions to trust and psychological safety. They were only at the start of their journey back from the great divide, but the steps they took were pivotal.
Building and maintaining trust is complex, but here are some foundational actions that make a real difference.
Identify: Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room
Surveys and diagnostics provide valuable evidence, but so do courageous conversations. Name the reality: “Things aren’t where we want them to be. Let’s make space to move forward.” Ownership of this moment kickstarts the shift.
Step In: Become Self-Aware
Open up to the self awareness needed for things to shift. That means every single person does an inventory on themselves on how they contribute to trust, mistrust or distrust in the interactions they have.
Dr. Tasha Eurich’s and her team’s research on self-awareness shows that while 95% percent of us believe we are self-aware, only 10-15% of us actually fulfil the criteria.
Food for thought.
Care: Invest in the Work
Change requires willingness, but the real driver is caring—about each other, about relationships, and about the impact distrust has on us and our students. It also reflects in the important connection with have with our students.
Feel: The Energy Exchange.
Trust is a dynamic force. Every interaction signals whether we’re trustworthy or not. This requires emotional intelligence and an awareness of our own reactions. Our conversations create chemical reactions in our brain, with messages coming from our heart and emotions. Trust is built through the quality conversations and actions we take.
Notice: Language Matters
Language matters. Does your language use terms that are blaming, victim oriented or laded with judgement? How could you pose problems as curious questions? Do you genuinely seek to create conversations that seek to understand perspective more? Is your language full of ‘should’ ‘no’; ‘not happening’; ‘no interested’.
Give: Apology
We all mess up, we make mistakes. We hurt people without meaning to, or actually in the moment, use whatever influence or leverage we have to inflict hurt!
Saying sorry is a big step in healing trust. Acknowledging past hurts and misunderstandings doesn’t change them, but validating the affect each of us may have felt is a powerful step in moving towards each other.
Give: Forgiveness
What a gift. Trust often retreats through a build up of perceived ‘misdemeanours’. As they grow in number, they often grow in meaning and stature in our mind. The lens through which we see each other gets dark and foggy. Forgiveness brings grace and compassion back into the team, helping us remember that, at our core, we’re all just trying to do our best.
Look: Forward, not back.
Hope and optimism come from looking ahead. Create space for conversations about what’s needed now to rebuild strong trust. Be clear about what you need from each other
Talk: Be Curious About Perspectives and Challenges
Trust grows when we explore tough questions with psychological safety. As educators, we should lead the way—not through polarity (us vs. them), but through deep dialogue.
Co-create: Commit
Together, discuss some shifts that can be made by everyone to refill the trust buckets. Don’t make them too onerous or large. What 1% could we all do differently each day to make a difference. Where do important conversations need to be undertaken with care, connection and curiosity? The quality conversations build trust.
The Litmus Test: Stick to Commitments and Keep Talking
Education is filled with passionate, committed people who care deeply about students and each other. Rebuilding trust starts with believing in that again.
Is there trust work to do with your teams?
