Another tour learning… Team self-regulation? Psychological safety? Values-driven? How do you authentically do all this in action? Here’s something I saw at a government school in Doncaster, UK that many professional teams could learn from.

If a group of teenagers can do this with deep understanding of the importance on their connection and community, why can’t we as adults ?

That question bounced around my head after I listened to Chief Academic Officer, XP Schools Trust Andy Sprakes on our visit to XP School Doncaster, UK.

Andy was describing one of their most powerful regular rituals. Every Friday the whole school meets on these steps (photo) for their community meeting.

One of their rituals within this meeting is:

Apologies, Appreciations and Make a Stand.

🙇  Apologies – honest ownership of missteps and redress

🙏  Appreciations – sincere thanks or recognition

🧍  Stands – declarations of principles, especially when someone in the group isn’t living up to shared values.

Appreciations lead most of the ritual, but the other two are just as vital to the school’s self-regulation. Students and adults alike take part in this reflective, connective practice.

It’s all led by the students – not the adults. Pixie, a 14-year-old student, proudly explained making a stand:

“It’s a bit scary when you first do it, but everyone is so supportive and it’s just the way we work, so it gets easier pretty quickly.”

A stand isn’t directed at anyone specifically. It’s an observation that a shared value hasn’t been lived. Often, this is followed by someone self-identifying with an apology and reflection on how to redress it. The community then discusses, agrees or evolves the response together.

Adults are included, creating the environment for it to thrive authentically. It’s a beautiful example of a community that self-regulates.

What stands out most is the forgiveness and grace afforded to everyone in the room, no matter the situation. There’s a deep belief in positive intent – that learning to be a contributing member of a community involves missteps, and that those missteps help us grow when we learn and take responsibility for them. Powerful.

Andy shared a story of a student who apologised to the group for a recent outburst, acknowledged its impact, and committed to do better. No punishment. No shaming. Just accountability, growth and peer support.

Another student quietly appreciated someone who’d helped them through a tough patch. Then a “stand”, calling out that some behaviours in the yard hadn’t reflected the shared norm of compassion. The group listened. Reflected. Adjusted.

It’s raw. It’s real. It’s community and group self-regulation in action.

And it made me wonder: we talk a lot about psychological safety, team culture and accountability… but how often do we actually practise this kind of courageous, day-to-day self-regulation?

If a 13-year-old can say, “I’m sorry I let you down,” without a script…

If a 15-year-old can stand and say, “That wasn’t OK – we agreed to something better,”…

If a teenager can express heartfelt thanks to a peer without fearing ridicule…

Then what stops us as adults?

Maybe it’s time we took a leaf out of XP’s playbook — not just for our teams, but for the kind of culture we say we want, and the kind of leaders we say we are. AND:

(oh and another thing: I LOVE the stairs, where everyone congregates!)

 The ‘Hellerup’ stairs at XP Doncaster, United Kingdom

Thoughts arrive and become

Words, which lead to

Actions, which when repeated become

Habits, which build

Character, which leads us to fulfil our

Destiny.

What are some of your rituals, either in professional teams or in schools, that foster connection and self-regulation?

High performance in teams comes from individuals understanding what they bring to the collective. It requires self-awareness ( building it), being open to insight and feedback from others, and a willingness to take responsibility for our actions.

How do you build it in your teams?

You’ll be hearing more from me about XP, and if you haven’t heard of XP schools before, I hope this serves as a delicious entrée to entice you to find out more.

Please share your thoughts and ideas below!