When my dad passed away a few weeks ago, a knock came at my front door. The daughter of my 96-year-old neighbour was holding a bowl of what looked like cereal in her hands. I couldn’t imagine how nourishing I would find it. How wrong I was.

My neighbour Sotiria is a wonderful Greek Yia Yia. She doesn’t speak English, I don’t speak Greek, but over time we have built a lovely relationship, checking in and connecting, making sure we are both fine, enjoying the sunshine or feeling better if we’ve been sick, dropping in food every now and again. So, this bowl of cereal wasn’t cereal – it was a bowl of Koliva – a traditional boiled wheat dish mixed with honey, nuts, raisins and spices that is made for the Greek Orthodox ritual of the Saturday of Souls, to honour the departed.

It tasted beautiful, but even more beautiful was the kindness in that gesture. The sense of connection and care in a bowl of food whose meaning is far deeper than grains, fruit and spices. If we all nourished each other a little more…. imagine what could be possible.

If you have connected with my work before, you’ll know that the approach I find most powerful in both leadership and teams is the combination of ferocity in learning and transforming the work, and doing it with strong trust and connection. This creates an environment where both high challenge and high support flourish, and relationships are seen not just as a nice-to-have but as critical to all we do.

Yet lately, travelling and working with people across different countries, I’ve been struck by leaders and teams dealing with the opposite pattern.

We’re becoming less nourishing with each other. 

People share with me too many conversations that should be about solving problems together that have become contests to win. Challenge turns into attack, and disagreement becomes disrespect.

One or two people consume enormous organizational energy because everyone else quietly accommodates behavior that erodes trust.

Somewhere along the way, some cultures have normalised behaviour that slowly chips away at trust. Disagreement tends to be presented as a war to win, rather than perspectives to explore to find the best way forward

Cultures don’t decline because of one difficult person. They deterioate because everyone adapts around the behaviour

Psychological safety isn’t just about people feeling safe to speak up. It’s also about everyone feeling safe from behaviour that diminishes, intimidates or degrades. Not only up and down the hierarchy, but side to side, team to team. It’s a misunderstanding of the concept for people to think this is a leader vs. non-leader issue. Some teams are struggling to have sideways safety, unable to raise issues with each other because the maintenance and foundation of strong human relationships is missing.

My neighbour didn’t solve my grief with a bowl of Koliva. She reminded me that every culture is built through small acts repeated over time.

The same is true at work.

We normalise disrespect one interaction at a time. Or we normalise care. Every conversation feeds one culture or the other.

If we nourished each other a little more…

Imagine what could be possible.